Top Ten Things You Should Never Do to Your Pet
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Top Ten Things You Should Never Do to Your Pet
Let’s face it. We all know one of those pet owners that love to do ridiculous things with their pets. From dressing them up in stupid costumes, to dumb little tricks that border on abuse. Whatever the case, there are many things that pet owners should never do to their pets. Here is the top ten.
10. Never name a dog Bono
It doesn’t matter whether you’re a huge U2 fan or not. Just don’t do it. Once you decide to name your pet Bono, it’s all over. Your pet will, from then forward, insist on dressing in crazy glasses and singing (howling) all the time. Sure, Bono has a decent voice, and he is hugely popular. But Puppy Bono’s voice won’t be as relaxing, and he definitely won’t be popular. Instead, pick out a nice, normal “dog” name like Bieber or Gaga.
9. Never try to teach your dog to rob banks
We understand that the economy pretty much sucks these days. You may be one of those suffering from this devastating problem. You may even have wondered to yourself if you could get away with robbing a bank. We have to warn you that it’s not a great idea. Not only is it morally wrong, but you could also find yourself facing some serious jail time. And whatever you do, do not try to train your beloved pooch to be your partner in crime. Not only do dogs not make very good getaway drivers, but they really don’t look good in stocking masks either.
8. Never tell your pet you’re going on vacation
Pets love to be the center of attention. They constantly want to be on your lap, or at your feet, making sure you understand that they are the most important aspect of your life. But what do you do when you decide to go on vacation? Well, of course you should take your beloved pet. But if you can’t, you’ll need to find him or her a suitable sitter. However, you must be sneaking and not let your pet overhear you. Why? It’s simple. They will want to go with you, even going as far as stowing away in your luggage.
7. Never give your pet drugs
First of all, drugs are bad, mmkay? That being said, if you feel that you must partake of illicit substances, make sure your pet is safely in the other room. If you do drugs around your pet or, God forbid, actually give him drugs, you may very well wind up with an abnormal pet that spends the rest of his life digging through your house looking for things to pawn to support his habit.
6. Never put your pet in a dryer
Yes, your pet will get dirty and need a bath. But afterward, make sure you follow the care instructions and hang-dry only. Granted, it’s possible that hang drying will cause more wrinkles. You should probably not try to iron the pet either.
5. Never import a pet inside a box of bananas
Have you found yourself searching for that perfect pet with the proper pedigree, only to discover that it’s only available overseas? Whatever is one to do? Going through proper channels can be very expensive, with numerous veterinarian bills, examinations and quarantine costs, it is common to start thinking about other options. You could try to hide the pet inside a box of bananas to smuggle them into the country, but that’s not really a good idea. If you get caught not only will your newly acquired Pupanana be impounded, but you probably will, too.
4. Never tell your pet that it’s ugly
Our pets are generally smart. In fact, they’re sometimes smarter than we are. Even though they don’t necessarily understand everything we say to them, they have a way of understanding anyway. Because of that you must be careful to only say good things to your pet. To do otherwise could cause your pet to develop a serious case of low self esteem, which could end up costing you a small fortune in counseling and psychiatric bills.
3. Never turn your pet into a peacock
Sure, people like their pet to stand out. But there is just absolutely no reason to attempt this. Not only does it look dumb, but it can quite possibly cause your pet to be ridiculed by all the other pets in the park. Instead, why not just let him be himself?
2. Never mistake your pet for pasta
“But my dog looks just like a spaghettie noodle, I get confused,” you say. I know, I know. It’s easy to make that mistake, especially if you’ve been busy doing those drugs we mentioned earlier. You need to make sure you keep your pets and your pastas in different cabinets, because nobody likes hair in their spaghetti.
1. Never order a pet from Amazon.com
Yes, Amazon.com is great for many things. You can order just about anything you can think of from the online retail giant. But their shipping leaves much to be desired, unfortunately. If you order your pet from Amazon you’ll likely receive it late, in a beat-up box, only to open the package to find a single styrofoam protecting your new friend.